is not complete forgiveness.

Understanding Forgiveness by James C. Tanner
As a writer, on occasion I tip toe into a subject while writing an article, but never fully embrace the content of that secondary subject. Recently, I wrote an article "Living With, And Understanding Grief" (), wherein I spoke to the stages of grief. One stage mentioned, was the stage of anger. No one can speak to the subject of "Anger" without also being prepared to address the subject of "Forgiveness".
It doesn't matter what religion one belongs to be it Christianity, Hinduism, Buddhism, Islam, or for that matter even Atheism, all make reference to the importance of forgiveness. Even when you step outside the realm of religion to the worlds of holistic healing, psychotherapy, and modern day medicine, forgiveness is recognized to have a key role in our ability to live healthy lives. The challenge each religion or belief system has, is arriving at a similar definition of "forgiveness" with each religion or secular field having their own twist on the subject. Here in this crowded pool of opinion, I will strip to my skivvies, figuratively speaking, dive in and attempt to address this issue head on.
First, let's eliminate what forgiveness is not. While certainly it can occur as a result of, forgiveness is not reconciliation, in fact many if not most relationships which experience a significant wounding are never restored fully to their original state. Forgiveness is not forgetting. Forgiveness does not mean an offender is released from the consequences of his or her actions. Forgiveness is not grace, as scripturally defined. Forgiveness is not mercy.
Forgiveness is a decision. It's the mental, emotional, and/or spiritual process of ceasing to feel resentment, or anger against someone or something else for a perceived wrong committed. Forgiveness is a step taken for the mental, spiritual, and physiological well-being of the offended, not the offender. The perpetrator you do not forgive ends up owning you emotionally.
Alexander Pope once said, "To err is human, to forgive is divine". Throughout time Alexander Pope's comment has been used in jest by mankind to justify and excuse our tendency to offend, and yet we often fail to see in this same quote, the significance of the second part. Sometimes forgiveness is divine, for it takes the divine strength of God in a person to walk through the process. A person cannot properly forgive until they have experienced the full ramifications and walked through the full pain caused by their offender. From a psychological viewpoint, premature forgiveness (forgiveness that is issued before the total pain is experienced) is not complete forgiveness.
Anyone who has ever been victimized, and that would include victims of crime, terminally ill patients, war survivors, survivors of life changing accidents, etc., must decide at some point whether or not they will choose to forgive the source of their offence. By choosing to forgive, they choose to release the anger and bitterness they harbor towards their perpetrator.
Often I am faced with the comment, "I could never forgive (so and so) for what they did to me, it was so horrific,5854 Ugg Classic Mini Chestnut Boots!" Yes you can forgive them. Forgiveness is a decision and a process, that may take time. You may have to remind yourself of your decision to forgive whenever your perpetrator comes to mind afterwards.
Lets look at some steps to forgiveness. First, honestly confront and embrace your emotional pain. Secondly, recognize that holding onto your anger and resentment towards your perpetrator will only cause you greater harm in the long run. Third, realize that ultimately love is what you want for yourself from yourself. Fourth, remember we forgive the perpetrator, not the act of offence. Fifth, accept responsibility for your own emotions and the healing of your feelings,and for many more it is the love and nutrition you provide for your family each day.. Sixth, if you had a part in the offence, own up and accept responsibility for your part, without placing blame. Seventh, see this as a positive growth opportunity. Eight, start finding positive non-destructive ways to release the emotions the offence has caused you (run, walk, work-out,The book she was reading, journal, therapy, etc.). Ninth, decide to forgive your perpetrator. Tenth, be willing to start thinking of your perpetrator from a different,focus and attention to, more positive perspective.
While anyone or any event can be forgiven, there are times when expressing your forgiveness directly to your perpetrator should be delayed. You should delay your outward expression of forgiveness until you are in control of your emotions; until you have established a safe place and safe people to be with you when you extend your expression of forgiveness; and are able to look upon your offender from a position of pity or sorrow and not revenge or hatred.
Finally, it's important to state here, forgiveness does not mean your offender is released from consequences of his or her actions. If a legal process is required to compensate you for damages, or reinforce your boundaries with your perpetrator, then it's important to realize forgiving your perpetrator does not mean you have to give up this process of recovery or self-protection. Forgiveness means you are giving up the motivation of revenge.